- Have you ever thought you needed help for your sexual thinking or behavior?
- That you’d be better off if you didn’t keep “giving in”?
- That sex or stimuli are controlling you?
- Have you ever tried to stop or limit doing what you felt was wrong in your sexual behavior?
- Do you resort to sex to escape, relieve anxiety, or because you can’t cope?
- Do you feel guilt, remorse or depression afterward?
- Has your pursuit of sex become more compulsive?
- Does it interfere with relations with your spouse?
- Do you have to resort to images or memories during sex?
- Does an irresistible impulse arise when the other party makes the overtures or sex is offered?
- Do you keep going from one “relationship” or lover to another?
- Do you feel the “right relationship” would help you stop lusting, masturbating, or being so promiscuous?
- Do you have a destructive need—a desperate sexual or emotional need for someone?
- Does pursuit of sex make you careless for yourself or the welfare of your family or others?
- Has your effectiveness or concentration decreased as sex has become more compulsive?
- Do you lose time from work for it?
- Do you turn to a lower environment when pursuing sex?
- Do you want to get away from the sex partner as soon as possible after the act?
- Although your spouse is sexually compatible, do you still masturbate or have sex with others?
- Have you ever been arrested for a sex-related offense?
Many of us came to Sexaholic Anonymous (SA)driven by our destructive behaviors.
(Why Stop Lusting Pamphlet, Page 1)
We have a solution. We don’t claim thatit’s for everybody, but for us it works. If you identify with us and think youmay share our problem, we’d like to share our solution with you.
(White Book, Page 2)
Our suggestion is, to attend at least 6 meetings, before deciding whether SA is for you or not.
Within the meeting rooms of SA we discovered, to our surprise, that lust is the driving force behind our acting out.
(Why Stop Lusting Pamphlet, Page 1)
First, we accepted that our entertaining lust leads to sexual acting out. The idea that we could stop the undesirable sexual behaviors while allowing lust to live in our minds had to be destroyed. The conclusion was inescapable: lust had to go if we were to quit the sexual acting out.
Second, we admitted we did not have the strength within ourselves to stop and that we needed a power greater than ourselves. Recognizing our weakness, we acknowledge our need for the 12 Step recovery process, the support of other recovering members, and a Higher Power or God of our understanding.
Third, we made a decision to follow SA’s simple program of recovery.
These became the keys to experiencing progressive victory over lust. We stopped fighting lust and started surrendering it to our Higher Power. Having moved beyond the point of despair, we were finally able to give ourselves completely to this program of recovery known as the 12 Steps.
(Why Stop Lusting Pamphlet, Page 2)
From personal experience we know lust is cunning, baffling, powerful, and patient. In the day-to-day grind, we wonder how might we win against such a foe that never sleeps and never quits?
In the past, when lust came knocking, we always opened the door. It was as if we had no other option. But today in recovery we do have a choice. There are many tools that we can use to keep the door closed to lust. Here are a few:
Honesty – For so long, we were afraid to tell anyone what was really going on in our heads. By keeping it a secret, we allowed our addictive thinking to grow and spread. By sharing our thoughts and actions with others in SA, we discovered that much of the power of lust was removed. Therefore, members of SA are encouraged to share honestly both in and out of meetings.
Avoiding Triggers – Many things can trigger lust: movies, magazines, swimming pools, the Internet, even some things in the morning newspaper. Certainly there are endless opportunities to lust. By examining our personal lives closely and honestly, we can identify the thoughts, persons, places, and things that regularly cause us the most trouble. Having identified them, we now make decisions to avoid them, thus reducing our temptation to lust.
Prayer – We use prayers of all kinds to drive away lust. One quick prayer is, “God, help me.” Many of us ask God to bless the person we are wanting to lust after. We ask God to provide that person with all the good things we desire for our own lives. By doing so, we stop making that person a lust object, but rather a child of God. Another simple prayer requests, “God, whatever I am looking for in that person, may I find in you.”
Sponsorship - A sponsor is a more experienced recovering person who guides us through the Twelve Steps of recovery. Ideally, a sponsor is working the Steps, going to meetings, and has a sponsor himself or herself. A sponsor can help us use the Steps to surrender the obsession with lust in order to live a balanced and joyful life.
How do we know these tools work? The experience of thousands of recovering sexaholics indicates it is working in their lives, one day at a time.
(Why Stop Lusting Pamphlet, Page 4)
At the personal level, anonymity provides protection for all members from identification as sexaholics, a safeguard often of special importance to newcomers. S.A. as a whole seeks to ensure that individual members stay as private and protected as they wish.
At the public level of press, radio, TV, films and other media technologies such as the Internet, anonymity stresses the equality in the Fellowship of all members by putting the brake on those who might otherwise exploit their S.A. affiliation to achieve recognition, power, or personal gain.
Progressive victory over lust is possible. We call on the God of our understanding for help; we lean on the fellowship for support; and we take the Steps of SA to recover. Anyone who follows this plan is sure to find great relief from the onslaught of lust.
Remember, lust will not disappear overnight. Take it one step at a time, one day at a time. Lust is tenacious; it does not give up easily. Our experience, however, has shown that anyone afflicted with sexaholism can get better if he or she is willing to be honest about the problem and follow the Twelve Steps and Traditions of SA’s program of recovery. A life of freedom is available to all.
Remember, you are not alone! There are many others who share your problem but are in recovery and are waiting now to help you walk down this path. You need never be alone again.
Come, join us.
(Why Stop Lusting Pamphlet, Page 5)